Spent the last few days in deep conversations with my lover about creating empty space in relationships (or as she calls it - negative space). Empty space to frame the beauty of our presence. In the East, the use of space to set off the object of admiration is widespread, - in ikebana, in painting, in zen garden, in feng shui, … martial artists are taught to observe space around opponents, music is formed by sequencing pauses with notes, - the object is defined by its boundary, - by what it’s not, - and boundary is created by space. So,

what if the concept of “empty space” is applied to a relationship in the service of creating wholeness and beauty. What specifically does that mean, and where does that take us? …

removing clutter: unnecessary relationships, unnecessary parts of a relationship, pairing down to reveal the wholeform inside the white noise

and what does it mean to create empty space in the relationship to Self? who must “I” be to stand tall the weight of all that empty space?

Reading Carl Jung now, - rich ground, - how spectacularly clear and deep his writing is…

I judge in others only that which I judge in myself; I judge in myself only that which I refuse to accept, repressing parts of Self into shadow. The more I judge, the less of me is conscious [aware], the smaller I am. The presence of non-judgement is felt like the sun that warms and nourishes body, soul and spirit. Emotional outbreak followed by a judgement is a compass pointing your way to the next evolution of yourself.

That leads me to mention paradox therapy. Don’t know if it already exists, but it ought to. Conceptually simple: it is the realization of equal validity of an opposite. Practically, I imagine this effect can be acieved through psychosomatic integration (a beefed up version of anchor integration).

I once heard a Teacher,
a world famous guru,
give beating to Passion,
call her names, call her “dirty”.

I left him heartbroken.
For what is my Passion?
She is the movement
towards heavingly union.

I would like to take a moment to connect a Shadow self to dualities:

A Shadow self is the repressed and rejected aspect of self that lives in the unconscious.

A duality is a tool human beings use to make sense of the world.

Every duality creates a Shadow self, that can be integrated only by opening up as both aspects of the duality.

The most profound dualities (hence Shadow selves) are space and time.

Great salesman often use a well known objection innoculation process: “If I satisfied all of your wishes for this product and took care of these objections, are you ready to buy now?” The question elicits further objections, that are then incorporated back into the question that is repeated. Until a whole-body-yes.

We can context-transfer this process to healing & coaching: “If I take care of this block, is there anything else that prevents you from having what you want?” Keep eliciting blocks to find the critical few that are the root cause of the problem. Then go for it, forget the branches.

Thank you for great feedback on improving the visual impact of Feedback Manifesto

Enjoy this new version of Feedback Manifesto.

The difference between excellent and ok, is the difference between, in athletic terms, the 1st place and the 4th. It pays a hundred fold to mentor with the best Teachers you can find.

That isn’t easy. There is so much mediocre noise in the self-help field, that identifying a Great Trainer and Coach in the ocean of marketing hype is a monumental task. Here is what I require of someone I will allow to mentor me:

1. She is a smooth egoless mirror in which I can see my own reflection(s).
2. He guides (and shoves if necessary) me to find my own vision of bliss.
3. She shows me how to uncover the resources I already embody to start following my bliss.

Want to make your life and this world a better place?

Then master the art of giving feedback. Everyone will love you for it. And you will be helping them to grow, because they will be able to accept your ”criticism”.

To make this easier, I created a Feedback Manifesto.

Print it out and post it in your office, - give it to your employees, your colleagues. Pin it to a wall at home, - give it to your kids, your parents, your friends. Keep it right in front of your eyes until it penetrates your mind and flows freely in your blood.

The world and your life will be a much better place for it.

I want to share a process I discovered recently while coaching a client (indeed, it is always the teacher who learns more than the student). It worked really well because it re-aligns your daily self-expression with your Being (that’s who you really are once all the crap drops away). A problem cannot remain a problem when you become someone who cannot possibly have that kind of problem, isn’t that so?

It starts with a picture your Being that you wish you could one day allow yourself to become. *take a few minutes to make it Technicolor now*. Get your list of oh-so-big problems out. Randomly pick the worst one, and see how would your Being have handled this problem? (I do hope you have got a vision of Being big enough to handle all problems in just a right way. If not, better start all over again). Now ask your Being: “What changes have I had to make in my mind and body to have handled this problem?” *wait for an answer*. Solve another problem.

P.S. Don’t confuse this process with timeline work, - you can do damage this way; it’s at the opposite end of the spectrum.

I’ll do it later. I haven’t decided yet. Let me look around some more. I am waiting to feel right about making this decision. And waiting, and waiting…

As you evaluate alternatives to make that decision, did you also consider the ‘hesitation’ alternative? That’s the one when you decide to not do. That’s the one you better have in every set of alternatives for every decision you are going to make from now on.

That’s the one with the highest hidden cost, your lifeblood - time: What am I losing by continuing to hesitate?